Du vs Sie in German: when to use each and how to switch

Use Sie with adults you don't know, in shops, offices and most first meetings at work. Use du with friends, family, children, fellow students and anyone who offers it. When in doubt, start with Sie and let the other person suggest du. Switching back from du to Sie later is rare and sends a cold signal.

One English "you", three German ones

English lost its informal "thou" long ago, so one "you" covers your best friend, your boss and a room full of strangers. German still splits it three ways, and each one takes its own verb form.

The formal Sie is grammatically the same as sie (they), just written with a capital S. That means the verb always looks like the plural: Sprechen Sie Englisch? (Do you speak English?) The capital letter is the only way to tell "Kommen Sie?" (are you coming?) from "kommen sie?" (are they coming?) in writing. In speech, context decides.

The other forms that follow

English speakers often get the verb right and then slip on the pronoun later in the sentence: "Können Sie mir helfen? Ich habe deine Adresse nicht." Once you choose Sie, everything in the conversation follows: Ihre Adresse, Ihnen, Kommen Sie. Mixing forms sounds careless, and to some listeners a little too familiar.

Watch the capital I as well. Ihr with a capital means "your" (formal): Ist das Ihr Koffer? Lowercase ihr is the informal plural "you all" or "her": Habt ihr Hunger?

When to use Sie

• Adults you don't know: people on the street, shop and restaurant staff, people behind a counter.
• Officials, police, doctors, landlords and anyone in a service or authority role.
• Teachers at school and professors at university, usually.
• Older people you have just met.
• New colleagues and clients in many traditional workplaces, until someone offers du.

Sie usually goes with a surname and title: Guten Tag, Frau Weber. Wie geht es Ihnen, Herr Doktor Schmidt? Using a first name with Sie is less common, though it happens.

Addressing a police officer with du can be taken as an insult. Courts in Germany have treated it that way in some cases, so stay formal with officials even if they look young.

When to use du

• Family, friends and partners.
• Children and teenagers. Adults say du to children; children are expected to say Sie to unfamiliar adults as they get older.
• Fellow students at university, and young people among themselves at parties or in hostels.
• Sports clubs, many hobby groups and online communities.
• Many younger or international companies, where du is the house style from day one.
• Pets, and prayer.

Du goes with first names: Hallo Anna, wie geht's dir? Casual greetings and goodbyes like Hallo, Hi, Tschüss and Bis später fit naturally with du but are also common with Sie in relaxed settings. Guten Tag and Auf Wiedersehen lean formal.

Who offers the du, and how

The switch from Sie to du is a small social event, and it has its own verbs: siezen (to call someone Sie) and duzen (to call someone du). Traditionally the older person, the more senior person or, in older etiquette, the woman offers it. Common ways to say it:

• Wollen wir uns duzen? (Shall we say du?)
• Wir können uns gern duzen. (We can say du, if you like.)
• Sag doch einfach du zu mir. (Just call me du.)
• Ich bin übrigens Thomas. (I'm Thomas, by the way.) Giving your first name is often the hint.

Accept with Gern! or Ja, klar, ich bin Sarah. As a learner, you rarely need to make the offer yourself. If someone younger or at your level says du to you first, you can simply say du back.

Once you have switched to du, going back to Sie is very unusual and signals that the relationship has cooled badly. That is why some people wait before offering du at work.

In-between forms you may hear

Germans also have mixed forms. The "Hamburger Sie" combines a first name with Sie: Anna, können Sie mir das schicken? It is common between colleagues who know each other well but keep some distance. The reverse, a surname with du, is sometimes called the "Münchner Du" and shows up in some southern German workplaces and shops.

Writing emails and messages

In emails and letters, du and dein may be written lowercase or with a capital (Du, Dein) under the current spelling rules. Sie, Ihnen and Ihr are always capitalized.

A quick decision test

1. Is this person a child, a friend, family or a fellow student? Use du.
2. Are they serving you, in authority, or an adult you just met? Use Sie.
3. Did they say du first, or introduce themselves by first name? You can say du back.
4. Still unsure? Use Sie. Nobody is offended by being called Sie, but many people are by an unexpected du.

The hard part is not the rule but keeping the verb, pronoun and possessive consistent while you talk. That only gets automatic with practice out loud, switching between "Wie geht es Ihnen?" and "Wie geht's dir?" until it stops costing you a thought.

Frequently asked questions

Is Sie or du more common in Germany?

Both are everyday forms. Du is used with friends, family, children and in many younger workplaces, while Sie is standard with strangers, officials and staff in shops and offices.

Is it rude to say du to a stranger in German?

It can be. With adults you don't know, especially older people, officials or staff, du can sound disrespectful. Start with Sie and switch if they offer du.

Why is Sie capitalized in German?

Formal Sie has the same form as sie meaning they, so the capital letter distinguishes the two in writing. Its related forms, Ihnen and Ihr, are capitalized too.

What does duzen mean?

Duzen means addressing someone with du. Siezen means addressing someone with Sie. Wollen wir uns duzen? is a common way to suggest switching to du.